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YOUR CART

2/22/2018 46 Comments

February 22nd, 2018

Chapter eleven

Stuck in the middle.

I have a feeling I will feel this way towards the end of each round. A continuation of that “is this even real??” feeling, and that “oh yeah…even though you feel fine…you still have cancer” feeling. In all honesty, I have had a wonderful week. The reason I haven’t posted in a while is simply because life has nearly felt normal. In more ways than one, this feeling is a good one, because it means I have suddenly gotten used to my routine, my medications, my schedule, and a new life away from many things I thought I would still be doing 2 months ago. This week I have enjoyed time at home with my family, a fun date with my handsome boy, and a special night getting the opportunity to lead worship at my youth group. I got the opportunity to sing the same song I had sung the night before I found out about my diagnosis. I mentioned in a previous post that the few days before my diagnosis were very special to me, and will be special for the rest of my life. I had chosen to focus on little glimpses of the Lord’s presence in each of the days leading up to my own personal day of “broken”…and I wasn’t quite sure why. God made it clear to me that I needed him in those moments even when I thought I didn’t. The song Death Was Arrested states, “My mourning grew quiet, my feet rose to dance. That’s when death was arrested, and my life began.” What precious words. Both the word “mourning” and “dance” happen to be placed in the same sentence, sang with the same breath. Though we do experience mourning in this life, God tells us that such emotion is never permanent. We are given the opportunity to raise our feet, raise our bodies and…dance. Dance in the moments of sorrow and in the moments of joy.

An example of dancing in sorrow for myself last night, was simply repeating the lyrics of this song to a young congregation who is yearning for a relationship with the creator. Personally, it was a moment of emotional exhaustion. But not for a moment did I feel like I would need to stop, turn around, or stop singing. I knew in that moment, stronger than I have ever known before, that the Lord was moving through me. Through every word and every breath. His presence was a feeling of support that I didn’t even realize I had been graced with until after I sat down. That last fact is one of the most beautiful I think I have ever come to terms with. When we are glorifying the Lord with our words and our actions, it simply comes naturally and it feels personal. It feels like you. That’s because the Lord is simply speaking through you, and you are just a physical representation of him in that moment. How awesome is that? Even cooler is the fact that he chooses the most ordinary individuals, beings who will never measure up to his greatness and his love, to represent the Father of all Nations…the living, breathing, holy God.

I experienced a moment of weakness as I stepped in front of my mirror last night to find myself staring back at a girl with nearly no hair left on her head. With the ability to pull back parts of my hair to get a glimpse of my scalp and suddenly imagine myself with no hair at all. I wanted to hit something. To pull all the rest of my hair out right there. For a few minutes I couldn’t do anything but watch the silent tears run down my face and question once again “why?”. In the back of my mind I guess I was hoping I would have my hair for longer than a month into my journey, but I’ve learned that sometimes it’s just extremely difficult to come to terms with things that we wish were never true. If I had it my way, I would start my life from the beginning urging young girls to ignore the definition of outward beauty. Because no matter how many times I tell myself things are going to be fine, they are still going to be different. I call these moments of mine “bubbles of weakness” because a bubble is just as easily blown up as it is popped. The moment of weakness comes just as easily as it goes. I have come to terms with my circumstances and I am ready to take action regarding my hair. I am excited to announce that I will be shaving my head this Sunday night. I will looking into wigs and sporting some new headbands and hats, but once again…not many people can say they were bald for a period of their life. Bring on the most defining moment of confidence I have had to experience in my 18 years of living.

Different look, same Rylie.

46 Comments
Ryan
2/22/2018 03:38:40 pm

You are always going to to beautiful Rylie! The Lord is working in and through you which will always yield you beauty!

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Anna Z
2/22/2018 03:50:25 pm

You'll always be a beautiful human being. Keep being strong, and keep up your good spirits!

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Jamie Kraus link
2/22/2018 04:11:35 pm

I’m always blown away by your spiritual maturity. Thank you for allowing us a front row seat to your journey. Your faithfulness is so inspiring. God bless you sweet Rylie. 💜

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Kathy York
2/22/2018 05:10:12 pm

Thank you do much for sharing your journey. You are wise beyond your years and yor words are beautifu and you are beautiful. The hair will grow back and there are teally good wigs now and hats. God is using you in such a miraculous way. I truley believe you will be healed completely. The song you sang was beautiful.love you and pray every day.

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Michelle McCalmont
2/22/2018 04:14:40 pm

Rylie, with or without hair you are and always will be one of the most beautiful young ladies I know. Your twinkling eyes, your contagious, warm and welcoming smile, and the love you have for others and God that pours out from the very essence of your soul and not surpassed by whether you do or do not have hair. Sweetheart, your beauty is definitely not diminished. If anything, the love and bravery you exhibit, will make your beauty shine! Press on, sweet girl! We will continue to "have your back" as we pray you through this!!

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Carrie
2/22/2018 04:38:50 pm

Your inner beauty has shone thru you since you were young and that will continue to shine thru you as we get to witness thru your words. Your love for Jesus is inspiring so many, even young girls at Mady's middle school (Cedar Valley). The ripple effect of who you are touching and reaching for Christ goes beyond measure! ((HUGS)) brave young lady! We stand with you in prayer!

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Elizabeth Brenenstuhl
2/22/2018 04:58:30 pm

Rylie I so enjoy reading your blog. You are an incredibly strong and beautiful young lady! I pray for you daily and I am in awe of your strength and faith! I know God is using you in mighty ways!

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Morgan Peterson
2/22/2018 05:19:34 pm

We love u Rylie stay strong and kick cancers butt.

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Lesley Boyd
2/22/2018 05:19:44 pm

1 Peter 3:4 has been a verse I have loved greatly since high school when so much worldly importance seemed to be on outward appearance. He sees your heart and I know He is proud of you. Thank you for sharing! We are praying, praying, praying.

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Ann Chenault
2/22/2018 05:25:17 pm

Rylie I am truly amazed by you & your faith!!! I am so proud of you & you are & will always be beautiful inside & out!!!💜💜💜

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Sharon Foster
2/22/2018 05:34:38 pm

Your voice is so beautiful! I am sorry about your hair. But I had the immediate thought that medicine so powerful that it could make hair fall out is also powerful enough to kill that cancer! That you would vanquish over cancer through God’s mighty power is my hope and prayer for you! God bless you, sweet and beautiful girl!

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Laurie McDonnell
2/22/2018 05:45:28 pm

Hey Rylie! I was in downtown RR driving on Main Street when I saw a familiar jeep. I saw you as I drove by and you looked beautiful! I loved your song, You are touching so many with your faith and your fight. God bless you and your entire family. You are all always in our prayers!

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Jaime Ferguson
2/22/2018 05:46:56 pm

You are Brave, You are Bold and You are Beautiful! You are a woman who fears the Lord and we praise his Holy Name for your beauty runs deep within your soul. Praying for you as you face and overcome each new part of this journey. We love you so much Rylie!!

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Mr Swain
2/22/2018 06:07:55 pm

From day one till now I could not be more proud of you. The devil has to be shaking in his boots knowing the power of the message you continue to share.

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Kjos family
2/22/2018 06:10:46 pm

Glad you are taking things into your own hands, when you are able. It's funny, the things through which we are rock solid and the ones that undo us in weakness.
Thank you for allowing us into your journey, so we know how to pray.

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Amber Ellsworth
2/22/2018 07:23:28 pm

You are so strong in your faith, it’s inspiring so many others to turn to the Lord who wouldn’t have if not for your sharing your thoughts. Everything you’ve said is so profound and heart-wretching. It’s amazing that you have the courage to share your heart. God bless you.

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Andrew H
2/22/2018 07:35:43 pm

You are as tough as they come. And thank you for sharing your journey. God will undoubtedly use this to reach the many that need encouragement from an outside perspective. My family and church will be praying for you. Peace and love from one Jesus follower to another. God bless!

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Mimi
2/22/2018 07:35:46 pm

You are so beautiful, so full of love and so precious
I love you💕

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Martha
2/23/2018 03:54:14 am

Rylie....Love to hear your voice. The voice in your writings is just as beautiful as the voice singing a praise and worship song. Continuing to pray. May His song be in you as sleep. As you wake. As you go throughout the day. Bringing you joy and peace. Love you much! 😊❤️

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Jillynn
2/23/2018 05:20:03 am

You are a beautiful writer expressing honest, real, and Truth-filled words. God is using your journey. We know about your story through the Robinson family and we are praying for you. You are inspiring. ❤️😊

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Melanie Johnson
2/23/2018 05:38:33 am

Rylie- thank you for sharing your journey with us. You are beautiful. Your strength and faith are amazing!
Prayers continue for you!
There is a great wig shop in Georgetown called Shortcuts. The owner knows her stuff!
Blessings to you sweet girl!

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Pop Pop
2/23/2018 06:26:34 am

Hair or no hair, your beauty will shine. I have thought you were beautiful since I first met you on January 20, 2000....love you so much.

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Kevin Austin
2/23/2018 06:40:31 am

I wanted to share some verses that has helped me in times like this. I know you don't know me but our church is FBC Lorena is praying for you and your grand parents are friends of mine. So here they are: Isaiah 43 New International Version (NIV)
Israel’s Only Savior
43 But now, this is what the Lord says--
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.

One of the things I get from this is it is personal as he continues to say "you" and whatever you go thru HE is with you! Your blog has touched my heart and want you to know you are prayed for continually. Here is the verses used at prayer meeting this past Wednesday as we prayed for you and others. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

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Peyton Kilburn
2/23/2018 07:01:39 am

can I just say, you are one inspiring writer. i'll be praying for you<3

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Michaela Newman
2/23/2018 07:48:34 am

You are going to rock the shaved head! I am praying for you continually. It is such a joy to read your words of unswerving faith. Love you dearly, friend.

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Abby Schultz
2/23/2018 10:27:36 am

You are so amazing Rylie and your story is so inspiring.

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Jenny Jacomides
2/23/2018 07:24:47 pm

This chapter...I am bowled over. And I love your boots! You are quite literally glowing in all pictures you take with your friends. So glad that you had an overall good week and that your people help you so much to find youself in the storm.

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Tonja
2/23/2018 08:21:39 pm

I love you

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Patience
2/23/2018 08:26:04 pm

no matter what look you’re sporting on the outside, beauty comes from within and you continue to prove that time and time again!!!

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Phoebe Caraway
2/24/2018 08:48:37 am

Rylie, today I just started to go along with you on your journey. Reading your story on this rainy Saturday morning in Ohio realy opened my eyes. You have shown how life as we know it can change in a blink of an eye rather that be the big or the small things...you are truly inspiring and you have so much power. God loves you with all his heart and has the best planned out for you, keep fighting girl!!;)

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Monica Moore
2/24/2018 11:48:05 am

Just wanted to leave a note of encouragement...

I was just diagnosed with Stage 2 Lymphoma. I am much older but my son is 4 yrs old. It's surreal, many days I'm fine mentally but other days it's hard.

I don't know how long it's been growing but I noticed my lymph nodes in July but wasn't diagnosed until January. In my heart I knew it was cancer in July but all the doctors said it wasn't.

My faith says that God knew the day and exact minute this started growing. Ever since He has been equipping to deal with what's to come and the battles I face. Knowing this doesn't make it less confusing, less painful, less frustrating but it allows me to cry and lay in His arms allowing Him to comfort me and give me wisdom and peace.

I pray that we both continue to lay in His arms and be given peace, strength, and wisdom.

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Jesica najera
2/24/2018 12:02:08 pm

I can’t wait to see you overcome this battle I don’t know you but I herd you story and god will shift everything for you and I can’t wait to hear how your first year of Baylor is like because I have a strong faith that you will beat this. God bless you and your family ❤️

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Dr. Boatwright
2/24/2018 02:40:20 pm

My friend from 50 years, Clinton Twaddell, told me about you. I am deeply impressed. A mature young lady. One of Jesus' special people. Lucky boyfriend.

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Johnathan
2/25/2018 06:56:17 am

🚕🚕🚕🚕. Hello!! I saw your blog in a local news stations facebook. Me and my wife are Ministers and our area in Ministry is healing. We have seen many miracles through prayer and Jesus working though our Ministry. People def after prayer could hear again, diseases cast out in Jesus name ect ect.. I Would love to chat ! I provided my personal email on the forum . Blessings! Johnathan

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Chris washington
2/25/2018 02:31:28 pm

Bubbles of weakness —- such a rich metaphor, so thankful for the strength and faith you have,Rylie!

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Tina king
2/25/2018 03:59:21 pm

Thank you Rylie for your awesome words of inspiration!

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Shelley Franklin
2/25/2018 04:24:07 pm

Rylie,
Great is your faithfulness! Know that you are beautiful each and every day! This journey you are on is not what you had planned ,but God certainly has a plan for you in this journey. That may sound lame, but think of the people you are already reached through this blog of yours. Stay strong and faithful, you are amazing young woman! We will continue to pray for you daily :)

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Debbie Isaacs
2/25/2018 07:10:27 pm

What a wonderful young lady you are. I can see God working in your life and you will be a great mento for many people. I am praying for you from Fort Worth, Tx. God bless you for your courage, strength and joy in Him.

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Cindy Graf
2/25/2018 07:30:25 pm

Your hair does not define your beauty. Your beauty comes from within. Stay strong!

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Lo Lichty
2/25/2018 09:13:30 pm

Hi Rylie. You don’t know me, but I’m a teammate of Kaley Jamison. Kaley told me about your situation back when you first found out and asked me to be praying with her for you. She also showed me your Instagram and blog and I’ve been following your story ever since. I just wanted to say, you are so strong and so inspiring. The faith and maturity you’ve displayed has shined throughout this horrible battle and is an incredible example to so many people, probably far more than you can even comprehend. Thank you for showing such bravery amidst a time where fear seems undeniable. Thank you for so clearly displaying that our problems and mountains are NEVER bigger than our God and that truth of who God is can give joy and rest in any situation. I have been and will continue to be praying for you as you walk through this fight. Don’t ever stop believing that God’s got ya!
Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27

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Shaughn O. link
2/26/2018 02:05:28 am

I came across your story while scrolling through Facebook, which led me to your blog. I read your latest blog and instantly scrolled down to the first Chapter. I wished I had your writing skills going through college! I will be praying for you and your family throughout this chapter in your life. Your message has already touched so many lives including mine. Your Faith is incredible and eye opening. Your clearly as beautiful on the inside as you are on the out. Keep up the fight and sharing the word. #Texasstrong

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Wendy Stuewe
2/26/2018 06:06:53 am

Rylie, you and I are complete strangers. I am a 50 year old single mom raising one son, who is also a senior like you. He turned 18 on January 28th this year. I have so much to say about how you inspire me and hopefully you will allow me to write more later. I have a request first. I would like your permission to share some of your story (in writing) on K-LOVE radio station website. I’ll even share what I wrote with you first if you would like.

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Rye
2/26/2018 05:24:52 pm

Hi! Oh my goodness! I would love that. Thank you!

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Carolyn M
2/26/2018 02:36:27 pm

Hi Rylie! Your story has been shared by a news station here in the beautiful Great Smoky Mountains of east Tennessee. You are obviously a vibrant, outgoing and positive young lady. God has you in the palm is His mighty hand and I know has given you a story to tell. Thank you for being real! I share your love for The Greatest Showman and wanted to share this https://youtu.be/K19fqhzKIcw to give you a smile. The fun Christian couple http://kristinanddanny.net/about should keep your spirits up as you face your challenges. May God bless you BIG!

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root king apk link
9/20/2018 12:51:25 pm

This is the right blog for anyone who wants to find out about this topic. You realize so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would want?HaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just great!

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