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2/17/2018 33 Comments

February 17th, 2018

Chapter ten

A few of my favorite things: my hair & planning.

I am going to start out this post by saying that my goal is not to make anyone feel sad as you read my words. I am just learning to adjust to life in new ways, and let go of things I used to have control of.

A little side note: I have been feeling good this week other than some pretty bad jaw pain from my Chemo Infusion last Monday. On Tuesday I cut about 6 or 7 inches of my hair off, and I love it. I hadn’t changed my hair style or length in probably 4 years, and it’s refreshing to be sporting something new. On that note, I have decided to be honest with my feelings of hair loss, and some other things that are newly out of my control.

At the beginning of this journey, when I first found out about my diagnosis, I was hyped about going bald. That is the honest truth. I thought, “dang!! not that many people can say they were bald for a short period of their life.” I would imagine myself at things like Prom, or walking the streets of Baylor in Waco with no hair. I am here to tell you that though my confidence level regarding this subject was very high, it has slowly lowered. At this point, I don’t know what will happen to my hair, and I don’t know if I will lose all of it. Regardless, it’s scary. As I said above, I love my hair. And adjusting to not having something that I’ve had all my life will be difficult. I am writing this because yesterday afternoon I began to notice that a good amount of my hair was already falling out. Now, if you looked at me you wouldn’t be able to tell that I’ve lost that much…but I felt disheartened as the day continued and I couldn’t run my fingers through my hair without pulling out 10 hairs at a time. Though thinking about losing my hair is both frightening and confusing, I am learning to prepare myself for my potential “no hair” day.

I mentioned in my last post how much I love my planner. On a daily basis I open it up just to make sure everything is right, that I have completed what needs to be completed, and that life in my little head is going as…planned. In the past month, God has held my hands through many things, but he has also separated them from the thing that makes me feel most in control. I spent 8 days in the hospital, not knowing what tomorrow would bring, what my body would suddenly start doing or stop doing, and I slowly began to give each moment to him. When I start to get nervous about the future, and not knowing what a lot of this process means for “college” rylie, for “married” rylie, and even for “mom” rylie, all I can do is remind myself that he has it all under control. God knows all my next steps before I am about to take them. He knows something as little as what I will have for breakfast tomorrow, and something as big as whether or not I will be able to have children. I pray for strength in knowing that he holds tomorrow. I pray for assurance in moments of weakness. I pray for overwhelming love.
​
Trusting in Him.

33 Comments
Becky
2/17/2018 06:08:57 pm

Your raw words are inspirational, educational & motivational - thank you for sharing your journey.

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Oleta Roark
2/18/2018 08:19:43 am

Rylie. I am a dear friend with Gary and Connie and continue to pray for you, your Dad and Mother and your family. You are so brave and with God’s help will make it through this tough time in your life. You have lots of prayer warriors on your side along with lots of love coming your way. Hang tough!

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Tonja Eaton
2/19/2018 09:17:07 pm

Big hugs, big love, and big prayers for you, amazing girl. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings through this process. You are a true gift and inspiration to the world. PS - you look amazing with your hair long or short, and I'm sure you'd sport a beautiful bald head if things go in that direction. XOXO

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Kathy York
2/20/2018 01:42:04 pm

Rylie you are so brave and strong in the Lord. You are so inspiring to us. I love reading your blog. That is one tallent I was not blessed with. Ronda can write bit set me in front of a blank sheet of paper I go blank.

Colleen link
2/17/2018 06:21:14 pm

Rylie, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with these struggles that someone your age should not have to deal with. You are a strong individual and an inspiration to myself and my family. Please know that you are constantly in my thoughts and every night in my prayers. 😘

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Jamie Kraus link
2/17/2018 06:27:11 pm

Rylie, I just completed my treatments in October from breast cancer and the two things you mentioned (hair and planning) were by far the most difficult things for me to let go of as well. Please rest assured your feelings are normal and it’s not easy. But every day the Lord shows you how He is still in control even when we feel so out of control. You are in my daily prayers, and I hope you find encouragement around every corner throughout your journey. Much love to you, sweet girl!!

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Sandy Childs
2/17/2018 06:28:41 pm

You are an amazing person Rylie - the way you express yourself is refreshing and so honest - your faith and belief in God will keep you strong and focused - prayers continue for you

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Jen Corona
2/17/2018 06:44:10 pm

Thank you for sharing Rylie. We thought of you a lot today. Praying for you to pull through this

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Martha
2/17/2018 06:44:14 pm

You are brave. You are strong. What you are feeling is real. Am so sorry you are having to face the hard. Many who have gone before you can relate 110%. Praying. Love you much! 😊❤️

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Krissy
2/17/2018 07:24:28 pm

All my love to you Rylie!!! Keep your beautiful head up!!!!!

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Donna Ainsworth
2/17/2018 07:29:25 pm

Hi Rylie,
I have been through hair loss during chemo. I knew mine would all come out so I chose to have it shaved off before it started falling out! I guess I felt like I was in control by doing that! Everyone is different & you will know what is best for you. You have beautiful hair now & you will have beautiful hair again if it comes out!! My favorite cap I wore was from my best friend that said “ Bad Hair Day”!!!
You have a such a beautiful smile & courageous spirit!
I continue to pray for you as well as many others from Graham!!

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Margie Gray
2/18/2018 03:36:13 am

Love your words... love that hair cap!

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Allison Notgrass
2/17/2018 07:54:53 pm

It takes such strength and courage to face these heavy moments head on. You are mature beyond your years! XOXO

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Sharon Foster
2/17/2018 08:28:32 pm

Your shorter haircut is absolutely adorable! And if you do lose your hair, you will still be beautiful because your beauty comes from within. But thanks for sharing your honest feelings—I think every one of us understands! My family and I are praying hard for you and for God’s total healing for you. Much love coming your way! 💚💛💚

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Pop Pop
2/17/2018 08:58:25 pm

Rylie, as I listen to your fears, doubts, thoughts about the future, you always come back to your amazing faith and daily walk with the Lord....in all the little things....keep it up sweetie...He will not leave your side....love you so much, your Pop Pop

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Margie Gray
2/18/2018 03:39:56 am

Rylie... hair will not change the beauty you are! You are amazing! Strong! Courageous! Inspiring! Trusting! Wise! God is power and he's holding you from one step to the next. ❤❤🙏🙏🙏

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Cindy Graf
2/18/2018 06:18:35 am

Praying for strength and courage as you face this new norm. Every cancer patient faces hair loss in their own way. I wasn't sure how to handle mine until the morning I was washing my hair and I ended up with hands full of my hair. Some cut their hair shorter and some shave it off. I took the plung and shaved mine off. Yes, it was traumatic but I was in "control" of something. I did have a sassy little wig and loved it especially when people would stop me in public and comment how cute my haircut was! You will know what is right for you when the time comes.

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Cathy Shaw
2/18/2018 01:07:17 pm

Rylie, you are so right sweet girl!!! God knows the plans He has for you & His plans are to prosper you & to give you hope & a future!!!

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jill turley
2/18/2018 02:04:35 pm

Hey Rylie! I don’t know if you remember me from little old Beaumont, but I sure know you! All of these stories are so real, and you inspire me everyday to have a positive outlook on life. God definitely has great things planned for you, so I hope you never give up the fight!!

PS: I hope I will get to come hang out with you at Baylor in 2020!!

Love, Jill

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Janice Nix
2/18/2018 02:47:11 pm

Rye....ive been keeping up with u through Connie and Gary. They r n my SS Dept. My class prays for u and the drs.every Sunday....and during the week.
Every day is a new day and new beginning for each of us. You are so brave and full of The Spirit!
God gives each of His children strength to do what we have to do. We may not like it or want to do it, but by the grace of God we're able to . Jesus is with u on this journey....thank you for allowing us to travel with you.

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Pat Gwin
2/19/2018 07:44:44 am

Rylie, thank you for so honestly sharing your journey and your faith. You are are such an inspiration! Keeping you, your family and your medical team in prayer.

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Jim & Sharon Silver
2/19/2018 02:08:28 pm

Rylie,
Steel yourself for the biggest fight of your life! Be ready to engage cancer head on! Now is the time to get ready for battle! During the early days of WWII, things were looking bad for the Island of Great Britain. Winston Churchill, the Prime Minister of England inspired his country with, what some say were the most inspiring words ever spoken in the English language: "...we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender..." Hopefully these words inspire you as much as it did the English people 77 years ago!

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Lynda jones link
2/19/2018 10:14:45 pm

When I read your blog and saw how much you like your hair and heard about the bald part it made me think of this children’s book. It is a humorous book and who couldn’t use a laugh! It’s a little bit of reversed tables in the story but I think you will appreciate the little girls character and her strong will.

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Carole
2/19/2018 06:22:21 pm

Rylie, you are a true inspiration to all of us reading your blog. I do not know you but I pray for you. You have an entire congregation praying for you and wishing you well. Keep on trusting in The lord. He brings strength and peace. Your journey is not an easy one but you will see it through. You are a strong and brave girl and most importantly surrounded with people who care. You are a beautiful girl inside and out. Wishing you a great and peaceful night.

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Stacie Wollam
2/19/2018 08:20:17 pm

Rylie, you are so strong and inspirational. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams. God is ever present in your life.

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Jason Fuller
2/21/2018 04:53:23 pm

Just wanted to tell you we are praying for you. We love the updates. Let us know what we can pray for specifically if possible, We can’t wait to see how God uses your testimony as you lean on him for strength.

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Sharon Kelley
2/21/2018 05:38:37 pm

Rye,
I am.on staff at FBG and have been following your story and praying for you. My husband and I recently walked this journey with our 50 year old daughter. We have witnessed Gods grace, and faithfulness. We celebrate a daughter wbo is now in complete.remission from stage IV ovarian cancer.
After reading your latest chapter, I am reminded of a story shared with me.
There was a woman who battled cancer. After several rounds of chemo she began to lose her hair. One morning she awoke and looked in the mirror she had only 3 strands of hair. She said "now God, what am I going to do with my hair today.......I know....I will braid it".
And so she did and went about her day.
The next day she awoke and looking in the mirror saw she had only two strands of hair. She asked, "God, what am I going to do with my hair today..I know...I will put it in a pony tail". And so she did and had a wondwrful day
The next day when she awoke and looked on the mirror she had only one strand of hair. She said " wow God, what do I do with just one strand of hair.....I know...i will curl it". And curl it she did.
The next day she awoke looked in the mirror and saw that she was completely bald. She said, "Thank you God that I dont have to worry about my hair today".
Her attitude reminds me of you. I have learned the meaning of the scripture that says ro "be grateful "IN" all things". I am not grateful for cancer, but in the midst of walking the journey , with God at my side I truly know how to be grateful in the midst of the storm.
May God continue to hold you, strengthen you, and give you the peace only found in your relatipnship with him.

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Jenny Jacomides
2/22/2018 06:56:42 am

Hi Rylie! We appreciate your honesty about your feelings. It is so much better to put words to your worries than to hold them inside. I am praying that you can find some peace and calm in the middle of all these questions and worries. Praying that you remember that there are solutions to these problems. You will find solutions in time, revealed to you by God, or figured out by you with the ingenuity God has given you. P.S. On a lighter note, once you are a mom, you will not be able to plan anymore. Planning and control are only a temporary luxury for young Rylie anyway.

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Charlene Warner
2/23/2018 08:27:42 am

Rylie, I traveled this journey in 1969 when my children were aged 4 years old and one 8 months. My doctor said I had only months to live, but the radiologist told me I could beat cancer. Back then I was 24, now I am 73 and have a grandson who is 21. God answered the many prayers said for me and blessed me with His healing touch. So many times God has saved me with miracles and left me here to serve Him. I feel privileged to pray for you. Thank you for this opportunity.

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Angela
2/24/2018 06:38:00 pm

You will be so beautiful. Your inner beauty radiates to all those that see how God has captured your heart.

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